Light and darkness
by Erintii
Summary: Young girl has always perceived herself as different from her family and friends. Strange things used to happen around, but no one seemed surprised. Is she really different or it's only imagination? Her mother has been always reserved, private and hated talking about a past, Dark Lord and family. AU.
1. Chapter 1

This is my first story I decided to publish. Hope my characters _won't be_ Mary Sues. English is not my first language, so I apologize for any inconveniences. Category "Romance" will be valid for a few parts. I like bizarre pairings, that only few people think about. Don't like it, don't read. I will introduce few OCs plus canonical characters and my interpretations of them. It will be AU as I added my OCs, but won't change history.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing, except for plot and my OCs. Everything was written for fun. Names for some characters were found on arwen-undomiel website

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><p>The chill of the winter evening penetrated to the very core. Weather in the region has never been a gracious, and now the worst season came. Blustery, cold wind whipped mercilessly anyone who left the warmth of the walls. Numerous snowflakes swirled in ice-cold night. Soft, white powder tightly covered the barren earth. Clouds and smoke tightly covered a sky. Neither moon rays nor starlight illuminated a night. Anyone who wanted to wander around, need fire torches to see the road.<p>

"Darkness, shadows and ubiquitous black "- however pathetic it sounds, Caldwen were able to find better description of the view o outside the window. Fortunately she was not a poet nor a minstrel from royal court. Eru has not given her the talent of the artist. In daily prayers she should thank for that. Sensitivity can kill, especially in such an awful place. She sees the shadows and darkness, but the artist would see infinity of colours. Gray was a continuum of infinite shades. Some little different from white, but sometimes it all passed into black. Black is the absence of color, whereas gray sucks colours. Caldwen sighed involuntarily and clenched her bathrobe harder. No matter how many layers of clothes wear, she could not stop trembling. She should close the curtains and cover the windows. The views are able depress everyone.

The howling wind was making giving the newcomers feel creepy. Wind itself seems to resembles a cry of pain and despair than natural phenomena. Caldwen did not know whether to blame over-stimulated imagination, but could not get rid of strange feeling. Or maybe she was too aware of dark secrets of his fortress-prison? She perfectly remembered her early days here and how she was shaking then. Could not fall asleep without a few glasses of wine. She really needed something strong, but finally get accustomed. Luckily or not, woman get used to many, perhaps too many things. It's amazing how humans adapt to difficult conditions. Sometimes trembled at the thought and feel colder and colder. Wind chill penetrated whole body, even if she wore warm fur and warmed hands over the fireplace. Caldwen did not even remember when I did not feel cold.

She briefly looked through the tall window. She saw nothing, except for gloomy, monotonous landscape. Only single, stunted bushes rose on a gray, deserted wasteland. Neither single river or stream cross a plateau. No single trace of the former, fertile land was left. Nobody remembered the shady groves and rapidly flowing streams. Nothing remained from the old, small settlements. Acid rain, fires and shadows destroyed surroundings very quickly. No one was singing happy songs around the campfire anymore. A silver crescent moon hasn't been seen for many years. Shadows and smoke obscured the moon, sun and stars.

It would be illogically to seek for trees, or soft grass. Region lacked of everything but shadows, as sky covered with smoke provided merely no daylight. Only gray rays pierced form thick, dark clouds. Countless sharp rocks scattered around and grey sky made a plateau spooky . Their unusual, elongated shadows fell on barren soil, creating amazing and sinister designs. Neither winds were blowing, nor rain felt from sky. Weather was stable as grave. Wanderer, who arrived here by accident, would be deceived by illusion of peace. Nothing could be further from the truth, as hard to talk about peace in the vicinity of the black, monumental Fortress.

She rose in the middle of barren plateau: vast and ancient. Anyone who first looked at the shooting in her tip seemed to reach the sky. To pierce through the veil of clouds and smoke. Constantly present fires, were the strongest source of light in the area. The majestic walls, incredibly thick and old, down upon anyone who has not gone through. People used to say that the fortress has been here forever, or at least for a very long time, a few hundred years. The sound of shoes hitting the rocks, were almost a music around. The screams of dying victims made another source of sound. Only a few entered the fortress in own will and even less remained free. However even those who was called free, never experienced a true freedom.

Apparently, golden rays were present on a distant skies. Local people preferred to believe in that, even if myths were poor consolation. The shadow grew and stiffened in the corner like pus in an infected wound. All the fears, concerns compose a mist. Mists were moving from one place to another, to their Lords, the sinister Lord of Darkness and all manner of wickedness, Morgoth. Here in the dark fortress and the court of all the prayers remained unanswered, all hopes destroyed, all the virtues distorted. No singing or music were heard, only the groans of slaves, prisoners tortured screams and guttural screams curses interwoven orcs. Everything resembled nightmarish cacophony, taken alive from the nightmare. Whoever entered the house of Morgoth, had to guard his thoughts and worry about your soul. Dying in agony was not worst option. Some remain forever trapped in the deformed bodies, violence forced to serve his captors even unaware that there is another world beyond the dark, damp dungeons.

Caldwen sat before the fire, lost in gloomy thoughts. She stared at the flames, trying to ward off the dark thoughts. Sticky, dark thoughts that wrapped around mind like a spider web. She felt cold, even siting so close to the heat source. She was wearing a robe on a nightgown, but yet could not help for the internal cold. She started to feel in that way long ago. Caldwen didn't remember when is all started, or rather, tried to forget and erase that unfortunate moment. She reached a mastery in elf-deception arts. It was the only was, she could look at own reflection in the mirror.

But even in the darkest places, different and better sounds are heard. Sounds completely incongruous somehow, that end up with kind of cognitive dissonance. Simultaneously they also pleased ears of any good soul. It was singing, but filled with love and joy. Lullaby that loving mother was singing for her little daughter. The walls of Angband, dark fortress of the Dark Lord rarely heard such songs of love, joy and devotion. They could tell only about suffering, imprisonment, torture and sins. Walls seen and heard many examples of wicked lust, betrayal, but not love. As for love, here was nothing, or almost nothing to talk or dream. Miracles may take place in distant, free lands, but not in Dark Lord's land. Only sometimes the wind carried the joyful laughter of children. Children born and brought up in this terrible place, nevertheless could see the beauty even here. They only slept peacefully through whole night. A little girl, too young to understand the horror of the environment, was one of those kids. She had no idea how tough burden has lied on her shoulders, since she was born. She remained happy and safe, as long as hidden behind a wonderful veil of ignorance. Caldwen looked at her daughter dreaming and promised herself that girl will remain unaware till adulthood.

Daughter was sleeping peacefully like an angel, so happy and smiling as innocence only may be. 'Why to worry about shadows behind the window, fearful rumours, since Mom is so close?' - For the little creature everything remained so simple, but not for Caldwen. Happy girl closed her eyes and travelled through a land of sleep. She climbed on a green hills and passed forests. Sometimes, she was listening to the song of a stream, what gently whispered its secrets. The elves singed their songs full of seriousness and sadness. Nymphs joined them in a gardens of multicoloured flowers and dancing. Stars shined so bright that night resembled a day. A place, located somewhere far, far away was wonderful. Free from the horror and darkness of his surroundings. Gentle smile brightened a face of pale, little girl with auburn hair. She saw absolutely wonderful visions of happiness, almost unequalled in the countries of darkness with her sleeping eyes. Deeply in her heart, girl felt that miracles are seen in a dream really exists. Miracles exists somewhere far, far away on the edge of the world. Somewhere on a distant West, which she's been missing since earliest memories. Girl has neither left Angband nor seen the bright lands with a sun and blue skies. She has read several books and heard the stories about happy nations from distant lands. Dreams, dreams were so detailed as memories.

'Dear child'- Caldwen gently touched her daughter's cheek - 'after all, is my joy, my Melia.'

'What happened?' - asked the dark-haired man, rising from a nearby bed - 'again, you can not sleep?'

'No, everything is perfectly fine'- said Caldwen, staring at the floor - 'I tried to made Melia sleep. She was muttering as usual .. Well, the kids always perceive falling sleep late as adult action. But her imagination! Today for example, she talked about gardens and singing birds. I am sure my little, has read about them in a book. But her descriptions were so vivid and detailed! For a one, ridiculous moment I thought, that she really saw the miracles described!

'She is just a fairy-tales loving child'- said a man- 'Let's go to sleep. Cover the window, looking at the barren wastelands is a waste of time. Tomorrow I will have a tough day and with the task of HIM. My mother is going to visit us, so try to show hospitality'- and seeing angry expression of his wife face continued- 'I know that you do not agree with her, but she really is doing what he thinks is best. Our son Belgor already can not wait for her grandmother, but rather a cake with raspberries, which always brings and ..'

'Let's go sleep' - Caldwen said to finish discussion -' let's go to sleep as I don't want even to think about your mother'.

She was happy to sleep peacefully again and share the bed with her husband, or well hug him goodnight. Until recently, she could not even dream about such luxuries. He was a good man after all, however his mother is a different person. She gritted her teeth and looked at husband. She kidded his cheek, trying to forget the mother in law. Caldwen promised herself never to forget who pulled her into worst nightmare. Why the best years of her life were stolen. She refused even to think about bloody woman. Instinctively, she clenched her fists. Gritted tooth in helpless rage. It was husband and beloved son who prevented Caldwen from saying a few words too much.

Man was waiting for her, waiting for a 'goodnight' kiss. She should not waste any more time as got the same conclusions. Always. She stood up and walked towards the soft bed and silky linen. Oh yes, they've never lacked comfort. Gold bars in the cage are better than metal and prickly.

The residential part of Angband, available only for the most trusted, most senior servants resembled a palace. It has been decorated with the highest splendour. By taking care of their convenience, Lord of Darkness could reward the faithful vassals. For them, the rich booty, beautiful captive and luxurious room. In fact, at your fingertips had everything that you can dream of. Everything except freedom. Belgor already understands that he lives in a cage. Melia, Melia probably still does not know. Girl sees only the dolls, toys, and the possibility of playing with friends. Let them stay as long as possible in blissful ignorance! Although who knows if a ten-year, book lover hasn't noticed more than anyone suspected? For own benefit, girl should remain unaware child as long as possible. Knowledge and truth can only bring pain in Angband.

Melia, free from dark thoughts, wandered through the Land of Dreams. The girl did not understand why mommy can not see what all the wonders of the night. Why not wander through the fragrant meadows, gardens full of fabulous flowers? Can't she see the splendour of thousands of stars on a night sky? Why not see the sunrise golden sunset over the horizon, why not dancing on the meadow dotted with tiny flowers with elves and nymphs? Why not see the snow-clad in garments of the gods from their thrones, peering at the world? All of them wore golden crowns and hurry for a great feast. Melia saw and heard everything very clearly. She for impression, she once danced and sang along with nymphs, like one of them. For unknown reasons, but the heart clutched grief, sadness and anger whenever awake recalled the images from dreams. But it does not make sense to live the dream visions! '

'It is better to play with dolls with your colleagues' – mum used to say.

Young Melia never had anything against fun, hilarious conversations and laughter. But she also spent time in a more useful way. Together with his brother, Belgor she was practising archery with his father. Fortunately, she did not have to duels with swords, but with dagger. 'We will always need to be cautious'- father was always said. Melia did not understand why he was so scared. In Angband, no one threatened them. They belonged to the inner circle of Dark Lord's followers. It provided whole family with protection, while her mother was treated like a queen. Melia liked most fun time with Brother and Father. Sun was hidden behind a fogs, everlasting in the domain of evil Lord. Superstitious villagers reported that carry a mysterious illness called 'Morgoth's touch', because the plague deaths faces expressed dismay. Others used to say that the red-and-black mists originated from blood of countless victims of the Darkness forces. Innocent blood soaked into the ground and passed into the mists. But one day, the number of bad deeds will finally exceed all measure and blood instead of the ground will start to seep into the sky. A blood rain destruction will fall on everyone regardless of age, race, and nature, leading to the end of the world. Reasonable people do not give faith rumours about an unnamed plague. Life in the Land of Shadows is a vile and serious enough to even invent tall tales.

Dark Lord was wise and never murder without the need of inhabitants of conquered land without good reason. He knew that someone has to pay taxes, or to work in a field. In any case, who pay taxes and hide deep in the heart of the rebellious thought he had a good chance of survival. Thinking independently or helping Dark Lord enemies were deadly sin here. Mercy didn't enter his lands. But even the most cruel persecution could not completely surrender everyone to the Dark Lord's will.


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors notice:** Canonical characters will be mentioned in this chapter. In the story canonical characters will appear and will be very important.

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><p>While waiting for grandmother, Belgor Melia were siting on the sofa and dressed in their best clothes and waited for her arrival. In a spacious and comfortable chamber, family used to welcome guests during small receptions. Caldwen tightly covered velvet curtains to cover windows. She hated the view outside windows, hated spooky plateau outside. In the elegant, marble fireplace the fire was burning. Royal atmosphere of the chamber came from fluffy, purple carpet. Sofa stand near and in front of fireplace, so children were watching a flames. They played a game 'what do you see in a flames' and were telling a stories. Belgor looked at the huge mirror above fireplace. He became little bored with a game, as younger sister was very talkative. Mirror's frames were made from gold and decorated with floral patterns. While Belgor concentrated on a mirrors, Melia was talking about shapes seen in flames. When girl realized that brother is not listening at all, she looked at tapestries on covering the walls. Scenes of dances and games depicted there completely mismatched with Angband and dreary land of shadows. Sometimes she imagined that participated in the idyllic scenes.<p>

'Caldwen'- Elanna said, this grandmother when two woman were left alone - 'You are beautiful, just like a phenomenon. Thus we ware all so surprised, that you had lost your position in a court'. - Last words were like a reproach.

'Hereltha is now a _chosen one_'- Caldwen explained, trying to remain calm - ' It was beyond my scope to do anything. But you may remain calm, as we kept wealth and privileges. Just look, someone else is * entertaining * our Lord of Darkness' – she hissed.

'We believed, you are able keep his attention for longer' - continued Elanna, who seemed to ignore the vitriolic tone of the younger women words – 'I am sure you are perfectly how important situation is. Hosts of Valinor are approaching Angband and we may help weaker allies. We need to know more to hurt our enemy painfully. We were so close and what happened? So important role is now taken by this ... uneducated, bloodthirsty woman! Even troll is brighter that her! I just failed to understand why he had chosen her, instead of candidate we proposed. Whole my life, I've been preparing my daughter to fulfill this duty!

Caldwen, who had totally different opinion on a matter remained silent. There were no use in discussion oral ambiguity with Elanna. She also remained silent about Hereltha, that irritated older woman so such. Reasons why Dark Lord chose her were complicated. Caldwen believed that he was looking for someone as dissimilar to her as possible. She was wise enough to keep her thoughts for her own. She knew, that Morgoth will slay them rather than he admit, even to himself, what happened. That moment of weakness and forgetfulness took place. He sent Caldwen to her husband scared of consequences, terrified that something so long regarded as dead and buried past is still somewhere there. Let's better make reason disappear, keep out of sight, consign from memories. When someone accidentally called her the "queen" was not punished. The only answer resembled: "this woman at least understand what the court life and the subtlety and all would be worthy of the name."

' I am sure that Aendis will replace Hereltha successfully and soon' – said Caldwen politely.

' And will fulfill all the duties and finish a job present in out family in generations. Now that the Dark Lord was made to take part in a war and suffer a great loses. This is important news but still a lot need to be done. We will all pray for Aendis success as we once have prayed for yours. The chosen one family will be honored with gifts and gold. We all need gold. You had been surprisingly successful and then he replaced you! What happened? You just couldn't resist temptations ?! Yes, you were given permissions, but became pregnant so quickly wasn't wise.

' Stop talking about Melia'- she growled

' Don't be childish my dear. You are perfectly aware, that you should wait. But is it too late for such discussion. Please tell me, do you still have this gorgeous silk dress? Yes, I want you to give it Aendis. She is perfectly aware of our family women task and duties' - Elanna finished her speech irritated- ' How are my grandchildren ?! Melia you will grow up and one day became a beauty like Mother! -

Caldwen remained silent in avoid fuss. She was perfectly aware that only when remain silent and calm secrets will remain secrets. Once woman allowed herself for more freedom. She was shouting and insulting mother-in-law with all known bad words. However now Caldwen knew her duties and how to protect herself and kids. She was perfectly aware than stupider she looks, she is safer and can see and hear more. Cordial and polite as always she passed a dress to mother-in-law, even if her heart and soul were screaming. To wise to show weakness and true feelings, she remained calm as promised herself to combat by all available means. Caldwen understood their situation, importance of their work but still consider Elanna's actions towards Aendis as immoral. It is cruel to raise own daughter as Morgoth's 'lady to keep company'. Keeping company means being companion in every possible way. Caldwen decided she won't let any of her kids live like that. Thanks to Eru's grace Elanna got no clue about Melia, Caldwen and will never find out.

Family however lived in a bad place, where clear skies were rare luxury. They lived in one of the worst places ever and only by remained constantly careful woke up without knife between ribs.

One day Melia was sitting on a fur near fireplace and reading a book. Girl sat cross-legged on the floor with a very serious expression on her face. She heard from grandma Elanna this is a lady's behaviour. Elanna kept telling how important is to wear elegant dress and never forget good manners. Older woman praised kids and grandkids when they deserve and Melia tried her best to please grandma. Since she was born, girl has been brought up in a fortress like a princess. Whatever she desired, she was given. All Dark Lord's servants were told to treat her and her mother with respect. Melia did not understand how similar privileges was gained a mother and father. Parents however cared for girls not to overuse her position. Those day Melia was just happy with her beloved dolls and favorite books. She quickly forgot about fortress and Dark Lord Morgoth.

Fire that was burning was light and warm Light and warm fire was burning. Girl gave up reading to look at flames. She imagined all the story told by wood. She saw a village invaded by horde of wild orcs. Inhabitants tried to fight, but no one will conquer the forces of Darkness. Lonely figure fled to nearest forest. Did he manage to find shelter and avoid death? No answer came to girl's imagination as she suddenly self cold, as if suddenly the temperature dropped several degrees.


	3. Chapter 3

**Toraach** thanks for the reviews one more time.I'd like also to thank everyone who is reading my story.

In the next chapter there will be more action and less descriptions.

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><p>Melia's forearms was covered goosebumps, that had nothing to do with the cold. She thought maybe one of the Invisible Beings visited chambers? Girl called mysterious guests 'Invisible Beings' as none, except for her ever has seen them. She know, they hide themselves deliberately. They talked with her only, with Melia ten-year old girl with hazel eyes and auburn hair. She heard echoes of their cool and full of melody voices. Melia wasn't sure if Beings really exists or are only present in her imagination. Now, feeling goosebumps, girl immediately turned her head. She wanted to know who exactly entered a room. Parents told something about Hosts of Valinor and incoming siege. Melia didn't understand what does it mean, however she was seeing Invisible Beings more and more often. Are those Beings friends or foes of Dark Lord Morgoth?<p>

She slowly stand up and clenched her hands tighter. Who exactly just has come?Ghosts, apparition or something else is now with her? Melia heard heavy footsteps on the wooden floor. No ghost can made such sound. One and one only person walks in this way: Dark Lord of spooky fortress. But what is his business here?

Melia turned her head with fear. Tall man in black, silky robes, scary, sinister but yet dignified was standing behind. His black, merciless eyes observed the world coldly. The vies of all kinds of cruelty were most desired. He was the kind of person following most wicked promptings and desires, someone who knows nothing about joy or compassion. Only careful and wise observer as Caldwen was able to see kind of sadness and fatigue hidden somewhere deeply. Although Dark Lord has always despised his kin Valar, even he treated Hosts of Valinor seriously and their number worried him. He pursed thin lips in a congealed superiority grimace. He smiled, but it rather resemble smirk. If it weren't for unnaturally pale face, he might have been consider as handsome in a dark, sinister way, at least from human point of view. His long hairs were black as raven's wings and contrasted with pale face. His dark eyes were full of power and caused everyone scared. Once he deceived numerous using sweet words and nice voice, however lost this ability long time ago.

Vanity was innate trait of Dark Lord. He always chose most expensive fabrics and finest jewels. Once beautiful and charming became grotesque shadow of former self. Despite gossips he preferred most delicate silks to armor. When walking by Angband's corridors Morgoth was usually wearing loose robes embroidered with golden patterns. He looked as a great king of powerful in royal robes and Silmarils shining in crown. Only one view at his face was enough to notice expression of contempt, smirk and grimace of hate. Flames seemed to glow in his merciless eyes, whereas anger and wicked desires was written on once beautiful face. He came closer to frightened child.

'I am honoured to see you my lord'- said girl. She knew, as everyone in fortress, that Dark Lord's offence is punished by death.

'Melia, I see you has grown up since our last meeting. One day you will be as beautiful maiden as you mummy'- he answered in a tone, than sounded warm for him only

Ruthless voice of murder is useless in the temptation trials. Dark Lord always sounded ominously even if tried to speak softly. He has been murdering anyone who dare to think independently for too long. He has lost ability to play a friendly role in a convincing manner. Girl was terribly scared when Dark Lord mentioned her mum.

' Thank you my lord for your kindness'- Melia answered in most humble tone possible. She was ten years old only, but was wise enough to know how to survive in Angband. Every child knew o that only by showing humility towards Dark Lord they may remain alive.

' Dolls and toys'- Morgoth muttered and put girl on his knees- ' Melia my dear, is is high time for you to place your interests on more serious matters. Just forget about your coevals, as my little you are someone very, very special unlike anyone. You are a pure miracle, but today is bad day for such conversations. We have hours of conversations coming ahead and then you will know everything. I, we need to spend more time together'.

Melia had no idea what he was talking about. Nevertheless she felt cold and her heart twisted with fear. She didn't want any kind of interest from Dark Lord. She is a child still, but heard a lot of gossips from servants. Her instinct warned about terrible, unnamed threats. It wasn't at all about unseen Beings walking through gloomy corridors by night. Dark Lord's interests rarely meant anything good. Melia preferred her Mommy to talk to scary Lord.

Caldwen, who was standing in next room, understood every word perfectly well. She hoped to hear such news as late as possible. Woman had just came back from short walked and dreamed rather about warm bath, not nightmare Lord. She was wearing warm fur to protect herself from winter chill, but suddenly felt a terrible cold not related with weather at all. The heart of mother frozen in a hear for beloved child. Door frame only prevented her from falling on a floor. She would never let this happened, Melia.. Caldwen promised herself to protect her daughter as long as her heart is beating. No matter incoming battle seemed hopeless and unequal.

She remained silent for too long. She took care for family and big cause of Elanna. In the name of twisted morality of husband's relatives Caldwen agreed for too much. Moment to say 'no' just came. The woman's heart is experiencing anxiety and fear, but mother's heart always know kid must be protected by all costs. Life and health are not too big sacrifices when innocence are to be saved. Caldwen knew she wouldn't expose daughter for danger whatever happens. Let the world collapse, let everything sink in the fire and conflagration, but wouldn't left Melia with monster. Since she's felt baby kicking in her womb, she vowed to raise her daughter to be good person. Teach about sensitivity and love and never let child fall into a hands of wicked Lord. At least in this case, Drake, her husband supported her fully.

Caldwen threw a costly fur as soon as Dark Lord left chamber. Almost immediately she threw huge, pearl earing of tears-like shape. Hair was soon freed from a golden girdle. No longer she would resembled Dark Queen. Only black, velvet gown matched her former role. She was walking impatiently like fury. Crazy plan just came to her ming, but as Hosts of Valinor are almost on Angband's fields, they have a chance. Calwen was somehow beautiful and scare with brown hair fluttering like a comet's tail, when decided to fight till the very end for her beliefs.

Drake supported wife without a moment of hesitation. He has been questioning ways his parents behaved for long. He understood much than his mother Elanna every suspected. They just crossed invisible and no return is available for them. Dark Lord is now more concerned about Hosts of Valinor. In Anband many were afraid of incoming Valar army. Resistance against Morgoth became strong as never. Even fallen Vala must follow the rules and face consequences of own crimes. It seems Valar finally decided to do something with their problematic kin. Finally great Lords of the West decided to act, so Dark Lord wouldn't be so concern about four people's escape.

He was so very wrong! Never in his life, Drake was more mistaken. Fire once started to not stifle easily. Their absence was noticed and welcomed with anger. Escape is treason in Angband and treason has a deadly price. There is no chance for forgiveness and understanding.

' Find them and catch'- Dark Lord commanded his trackers and assassin- ' Kill the boy and man. I want them to die slowly and painfully. Don't you dare to touch women and girl. If even a single hair will fall from their head, I will punish you with terrible death. What are you waiting for? It's hunting time'

Recent incidents and family escape made him furious. Dark Lord hated to lose control over anything How could they even think to leave? They all were given everything desired. Caldwen, gentle and wise Caldwen, didn't decide on her own. It is her husband who muse be blamed, whereas she only obeyed his will. She did what consider as right and he wasn't clear enough when talking with her. Caldwen was his _queen_, not a random slut. She could be angry for being changed. But certainly would not betray, probably was just about it ... Women are able to get into a wild rage in a similar situation. Yes, she need to be taken back here to the place she truly belongs. She will be a great queen in a fortress, as was originally planned. No more games and avoidance. Today will send her successor. Stupid idiot is unable to cope with anything. She is completely hopeless waste of time in every possible role.

Dark Lord was talking impatiently in his chamber. He hated situations when he loosed control. He decided to torture some prisoners to deal with anger and get rid of recurring picture of brown hair female. She was worse than orc's smell. His minions caught new prisoners. Fools tried to sneak into his fortress. No torture made them speak. No matter innocent or not, their cries for mercy are all he needed then. He went down dungeons to see opponent's suffering, however water drops and gusts of summer wind are useless towards fire-flames. Hosts of Valinor were almost in the fields of Angband. Dark Lord was proud and egocentric, but also wise enough to know no more forgiveness would be granted from Valar. They once had imprisoned him and then granted freedom. Then he escaped, break their laws, thus no chance for house arrest in a nice mansion. His situations is difficult, but still crazy plans were prepared.


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you all for visits and comments.

**Toraach:** obawiam się, że o balrogach wiele nie będzie, chociaż oczywiście mogę ich potem jakoś dodać. Generalnie historia ma mieć miejsce głównie poza Angbandem.

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><p>Although the family was forced to live in uncomfortable conditions, eat simple food none of them complained. They felt free probably for the first time in their lives. They needed to forger luxuries that get used to, but on the other hand finally could speak aloud without risk of eavesdropping. Obviously they had to be very careful, but now situation changed. Their dreads become now more natural for humans: family needed to deal with everyday live problems and bandits, but not Dark Lord.<p>

There were lucky, as hosts of Valinor besieged fortress and decimate the armies of the Dark forces. It was not a rumour, but a well-known fact. Morgoth's problems were their luck. Some of the servants of Angband, who felt end is near decide to escape and surrender. They know, lack of mercy from hosts of Valinor would be better than Angband's Lord rage. Not only do people chose to save own live, but hose whom the Dark Lord brought with him from Valinor decided to do the same. Although Army desertion was punished with the utmost severity, but it was impossible to stop such actions.

Family believed they would survive a war with a little of luck. Then all of them planned to start a new live in distant place. Drake, wasn't ever important officer, which saved him. Disappearance of ordinal, although irritating is not perceived as important. Caldwen, as she explained to herself, what was _replaced_, so believed being safe when departure. This was the way, she was convincing herself every evening and morning. She almost believed in own words.

The spend some time in a small, peaceful town. Current camp of hosts of Valinor was located nearby. From that place they struck and closed of Angband in the ring of siege. Family had no courage to join undoubted winners. All of them were too uncertain of incoming welcome. They actually played in the same team, but their mission was known to few. How they can prove where their true loyalty lied? Also Caldwen had one more reason to avoid the military camp of Valinor, but refused to admit it even to herself.

Their great escape, even if dangerous, resembled adventure for children. They used to read and hear about old heroes and now got adventure of their own. Belgor, fifteen year old boy, once had dreamed to become a knight, but now realized how true statement 'be careful what you wish for, it might come true' was. He had to fight the forayer orcs as well as common criminals and robbers. He knew he had to take care of and protect the mother and little sister. He had to grow up and act like a man.

Melia had to forget about dolls and dolls quickly and face the sinister reality. Although only twelve year old, quickly learned to behave like mature woman. Soon, serious words started to came out months and mature behaviour replaced child's plays. She never forgot fear and anger she felt then. She felt anger and sorrow for the wasted childhood, angry at the world, which once fell down to her head so suddenly. She was unable to forget pain in mother's eyes when they were talking about ways to survive. Sometimes Caldwen even showed how to cut his throat and have a fast and a little painful death. The expression Caldwen haunted her nightmares before very long, very long time. Melia saw too much torture and cruelty in Angband to have any delusions about possible welcome in Dark Lord's fortress.

' I know mummy' – said girl with serious tone- ' we shall not fall into the hands of the enemy as only torture and imprisonment are ahead. We shall not allow this ever happen'.

One day she was playing with Belgor a couple of kids from neighbourhood. Caldwen wanted for the children least one, carefree day. Perfect day without fear, worries and shadows from pas. She wanted them to forget everything bad things for al least one day. To stop speaking like young adults, old souls in children bodies, but be children. Caldwen felt helpless anger and grief whenever her fifteen-year old son and twelve-year-old daughter were talking like adult about hiding and defence. Husband and son went out for scouting and hunting and became hunters. But for the Eru sake, boy should play with their friends, not protect mother and sister like a man. She cursed herself and her mother-in-law for all the horrors kids were exposed for.

Few orcs decided to rest on a the clearing. They smiled wickedly, when noticed human children. 'Young, fresh and probably tasty'- said one of them. They had no idea that the victims won't be victims. Not only they can defend themselves, but are guarded as well. But orcs had no idea what was going on and paid no attention to any potential problems. .

Taking part in fight for the first time, made a terrible shock for a girl. Melia understood cruel nature of the war and difficult situation of family. But even though, in the very first moment she could not attack. Being aware of defence need is one, but to defend actively is something else. Melia realized she is not able to take away someone's life. She wanted to run away, run away as quick as possible. She got no idea where to run, but also knew that need to do something. She need to run for help, it is adult duty to fight. But what will happen to Belgor, when she leave? She noticed silent plea in brother's eyes. Melia was so shocked and terrified, that wasn't even surprised that older boy believed she is able to help. He knows how to fight. She was terrified. Her fingers tightened on the dagger, but remained still.

Caldwen, loving mother spoke with her daughter and tried to explain terrible reality to come. But how to explain a child that she need to use weapon or will die by her own? Melia became secretive some time ago, as had wanted no one to know even being so young, she was using dagger. Once she spoke about the Unseen Beings with no one. Mysterious Beings could be considered as a product of child fantasy, but now she hid something much darker. No one outside from family knew, when Melia really used the weapon to kill someone for the first time No one like to feel as hunted animal. Feeling of helplessness and mortal terror is terrible.

She was given another, very important yet poorly understood lesson. Melia needed years to discover true meaning of certain events. Explanation was too bizzare to even think about it. Young girl get no clue, but the ominous shadow of the future and destiny just rose on the horizon. 'Accident'- she explained what happened and she was sure that was the answer, but in fact thunderbolt arose on a blue sky to prepare for future events.

When the orcs attacked, she didn't use a knife eventually. She was holding a dagger in hands, but was unable to hurt anyone, even enemy. She was too familiar monsters attacking her brother and his friend. However Melia remained frozen, unable to use a knife , to put a place in a living being body. She wished she had done more to help. Anger grew up in her heart, anger for those who dared to attach her kin. Girl teased own powerlessness. Suddenly Melia heard a voice in own head : 'Don't be a wimp. Fight, flee do whatever, but stop weeping'. A strange voice, that sounded almost strange, as it came from a different, more mature person. She's been hearing voice for some time, but never tell anyone about it. Mother was scared when she told her about Invisible Beings. Melia didn't want to worry her, especially now in the middle of war. While listening to the internal order Melia wanted to attack and even managed to injure one of the attackers. But then something unexpected happened.

Suddenly flames appear from nowhere. No just one, single flame, but powerful blaze. It looked as if someone lit a fire, that wanted to burn everything around. Flames burnt attackers in a second. No fire that Melia ever seen was hot enough to do this. Gilr felt strange dizziness and weakness. It is possible that someone threw a powerful spell? Did they have a mysterious friend who lurks in scrubs? Belgor remained incant, thanks Eru! The girl looked at the defeated enemies with satisfaction, and strange voice said 'Good job'.

'What on Eru we've just seen?' - screamed Belogr's friend totally astonished.

'I have no idea'- answered Belgor- 'I may only guess, but I've heard hosts of Valinor are somewhere around. Much more than swords and bows are used in fights against Morgoth. Maybe they put a spell and killed orcs by chance?

'You are right, there is no other explanation. Only Valar or their servants are capable off summoning flames from the sky. Belgor, Melia let's go back'

Melia became so busy when watching at Belkor's friend, that didn't notice fear present on her brother's face. He was looking either at his sister or at piles of ash and nodded grimly. Man looked worried, scared, but by no means astonished. It was as if he saw something unpleasant, but predictable, grim confirmation of their medications and fears.

-'Melia we need to go back quickly'- said Belgor, desperately trying to remain calm

During their way back home, we asked sister no to discuss recent events with parents. "You know how many problems we have now. We really shouldn't worry them with such stories. Let's better forget it and go rest. We were lucky and nothing else matters. "But when the girl went to bed he said in a serious tone:

'Mom, Dad we need to talk. _It _happened today, while we were playing'- he said and grimly presented incidents with orcs.

' So, it begins' - said Caldwen after few minutes of deadly silence' -' I've always known this day will come sooner or later. Her fear caused a defensive reaction. But he is still a baby, how on Eru's sake am I to explain it to my girl?'

' We were all aware of the burden'- Drake continued-'and as you just said, we expected such a day'

'I know, I know and to make matters worse, he also knew it. He was first to notice warnings and signs. We've all have always known, but not my poor little one. I've always felt there is a solution out there, but now I am so helpless! '


	5. Chapter 5

Thank you for reading my story. This chapter may seen dramatic, but believe me, story is not and will never be of "Tragedy" category.

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><p>The greatest concerns of the family soon became true. They were found in previously safe shelter. They obviously made some plans, but all their plans failed. They perfectly knew no hope neither pity is awaiting them. The attackers, bandits in Dark Lord's service, kidnapped women and all goods than may be sold. Without any mercy they killed children and elderly people. Some of the victims burned alive in their houses, whereas bandits got amusements. Family were found by accident, as attackers were not looking for them. Although Morgoth ordered not to hurt Caldwen or Melia, but Morgoth was losing the war and his henchmen were not going to play according to any rules.<p>

Caldwen ordered Melia to flee, while she decided to stay in house to distract pursuers. She made her decision without hesitation to give the girl time to escape. Drake and Belgor without even simple "good bye" rushed to fight with other men from the village. ' I hope merciful Eru let them to kill as many of those bastards as possible'-whispered Caldwen. Numerous talks and moments were stolen from mother and daughter. Caldwen felt anger, but knew there is no time for senseless grief. She forced herself to smile and said good-bye to beloved kid: 'Do not cry my sweet baby. We will meet one day in a fairy-tale land we once spoke. Belgor and daddy are now waiting for us. My little one you must go, but remember do not turn back and do not cry. My sweet little girl, you are so brave!'. Caldwen described the Land of the Dead as a paradise. She needed to make children not be so afraid and truly believed in own words. To tame the daughter of the constant threat of death spoke of. She had no idea, meeting she mentioned will never come true.

Caldwen got a sword and knew what should be done. When they fled from Angband, risk was easy to estimate. None of them were naïve enough to believe mercy is awaiting. No miracle happened and no one rescued them. Both Caldwen and Drake wore a vial of poison just in case. Powder was deadly enough to kill adult in a few minutes. Caldwen knew she had no choice. She was not afraid of death but possibility return to Dark Lord's fortress. No forgiveness was possible and tortures was a price of abuse. She had no idea however, she was someone more important than just a toy. Caldwen didn't care and moreover got no indention or will to be a new toy for a bunch of barbarians. Her perception was limited! Or maybe she understood situation perfectly and thus felt tteeribly scared? If he dies, they may do with her body what they want. It is important that little girl managed to escape. If Melia is to survive, must run to hosts of Valinor camp. Caldwen could only pray for daughter's success and incoming grace of Valar. Let Eru have mercy on her daughter! She can only hope than Western Lords will not.. she could not even finish the thought.

Melia was running as quickly as possible. Girl knew that miracle is needed for salvation. She was twelve years old, but she had to grow up quickly. She somehow knew that house whole once lived has recently burned. Melia got no time to even ask why she was so sure. Mother has probably already swallowed the contents of the vial and died quickly. Belgor and Melia once overheard a conversation between adults. They were discussing their options if they are found. They talked openly about need to take own life. No even a slight trace of emotion or hesitation appeared as they saw how severe punishments in Angband are. Moreover neither Caldwen nor Drake suspected children were listening. Before, however, said goodbye to her daughter, she believed forever, said:

'Honey, you must run to Hosts of Valinor camp'- order Caldwen – 'Neither orcs, not bandits will hurt you there. Remember once and for all, that whatever you may hear you were beloved child, and sweet little girl. I've been loving you, ever since realized you are to be born. Sins of the parents and their and their only sins. I beg you to run and live happily long after. The flickers of light may be seen even in the darkest nights. Taste of life away from the Shadows. Be happy and welcome each day with a smile. Celebrate and taste life away from Shadow for us all. Promise it'

' What kind of sins you are talking about?'

' It's nothing important. You are my joy and happiness and nothing else matters. Now run!' 'Mommy' - sobbed Melia- 'What about you? When we will see each other?'

' In another life there will a day that we will sing and dance on a green glade. But it is not that day, run my child as quick as you can and do not turn back. Whatever happen, do not turn back'

Sins sounded mysteriously and blackly. Mother's words ounded completely pointless. Melia wanted to ask for clarification. She knew, however, no time for discussion was left. Melia understood only one can be done: she is to fulfil the last will of the loved mum and run away. Don't even dare to think nor to ask questions. She only hoped one day fate would allow to find answers for questions. For at least some of them, girl quickly added.

Secrets have been integral part of family life, since Melia remembered. Shyly whispers, suddenly cut off conversations made everyday life in Angband. Everyone checked every corner of the chamber before start talking. Caution saved several lives in Angband. In Angbangdzie care could save lives. No one could be really trusted as even modest servants were often spies Parents explained children most basic laws and rules of Angband

Girl decided to obey. She noticed inflexibility in her mother. Nothing would made woman change her mind. Although Caldwen tried to remain calm, failed to control tears falling down. She was in despair when made to say 'goodbye' to little daughter and left child alone in the world. 'O, Eru if I can only chose another path'- she cried. Caldwen wasn't sure whether it is safe to send child to Hosts of Valinor camp. She only prayed it wouldn't end is a severe verdict. For her Melia is and always been innocent child. But it is not her duty and power to decide. Daughter could stay here, nor fall into enemy hands. Caldwen was only able to pray grace will be given to little girl. If not grace or good treatment, at least better than a refugee in Angband fate. Looking at Melia one last time, she grabbed the sword and uncorked the vial of poison. She planned to die honourable, as she lacked honour in her life. She will not hide full of fear nor beg for mercy.

Melia jumped out the window, located at back side of house. Girl hoped, that nobody paid attention. She was a small, slim and extremely agile. Mother used to joke, that she can learn cat many tricks. Attackers had overwhelming numerical superiority. Melia however believed their greed to robe village would let her escape.

Someone followed her unfortunately. Mercenaries had realized what happened and tracked down fleeing child. Some of them decided to hunt down mother and others run after child. Reward will be wonderful for whatever reason Melkor wanted them intact. Melia was running, terribly scared. She felt tired and knew Can he drive a dagger through the heart?

Mom knew what to do and wouldn't hesitate. Dad and brother knew their duties as well. But Melia, poor little girl, was trembling. Some part of her nature reborn similar solution. That voice, strangely calm, as if belonging to someone older almost screamed, "No, it's not possible!". She knew it was something more than too vivid imagination.

No one knows how escape would ended, if Melia didn't meet group of elves. They saved a human girl and killed henchmen chasing her. Although seemed surprised to see mercenaries following ordinary looking child helped without hesitation. They took frightened and tired child to Hosts of Valinor camp. Their commander was carrying a girl on his hands, outraged by cruelity of bandits. His heart ached with pain, when he looked at frightened and tired child. He looked straight into her eyes and Melia looked at him. She never forgets this favor.

He rescued and escort girl to safe place, the safest place elf was able to think about: Hosts of Valinor camp. No child should wander alone during war. He guessed girl is probably the only survivor and needs care and must rest.

Melia was scared, parents learned her not to trust strangers. She grow up in fear. Although she was twelve-years old, she felt her soul is old. Sometimes girl got impression other, mature person lives inside her and spoke with strange voice. She thought and analyzed the facts like a mature person. She soon realized , she mustn't talked about past and start a new life. Mother's words were clear.

' Who are you little girl? What is your name?' – someone asked

' What's the difference' –said fiercely woman, who introduced herself as Althea- ' This child is terrified and weaken. It is not a time to ask questions'.

Melia soon realized horrible truth: she was left alone, but alive and healthy. Everyone she loved: tender mother, fierce but just father and wonderful bother died. Death took all of them to the Land of Shadows. She cried in a bitter tears. She cried for a lost childhood, for loneliness and for fear of tomorrow. Melia just curled up in tent's corner and wept bitterly, countless tears. Many celebrated victory and end of Morgoth's tyranny, but not young girl. There was no comfort in the darkest hour for lonely girl. The view grieving child may touch even stone as did for Althea and her companions. Woman tried to speak or comfort Melia, but even most sincere words failed to reduce a pain. She suffered and need to mourn killed family, as no child ever should, but too many kids did. If anything might helped a girl, it was last words by mommy. She asked Melia to live happily for her and all of them.

Melia has never forgotten fear and despair felt in that terrible moments. She believed neither kin no friend were left. She was little, alone and terrified girl. If anyone sked about worst experienced ever, she mentioned night after arrival in camp.

War of Wrath was finally over. Hosts of Valinor won it and Morgoth was defeated and sentenced for eternal exile. Regions nearby lied in ruin and Angband turned into debris. Those who survived, and Melia, saw battle scenes in dreams or rather nightmares. Elemental storms summoned by Valar destroyed enemies and allies as well. Dark creations of Morgoth was screaming terribly, before being silenced forever. Camps of Angband's forces and human villages were destroyed in a few seconds. For Melia all these storms, all powers used in a battles seemed terribly familiar. She had no idea if she once read or heard about Valar powers, but understand what was going on somehow. In hosts of Valinor camp, girl also met several Invisible Beings. She felt goose bumps on her arms more frequently than ever before. Overall impression was stronger than in the past, but girl remained silent just in case. She spoke no word to anyone.

Melia cried all dark night. It was the worst time in her life, when she believed everyone he loved died from mercenaries hands. Suddenly she felt someone hugged her. Girl suspected it was Althea or some other full of mercy, woman. She was miserable child without family, which made pity a natural feeling. Melia did not know whether to feel anger or thank mysterious person. She's never wanted to be perceived as weak. Weakness resulted in many dead penalties in Angband. Melia opened her eyes with hesitation, decided to see who is in her bed. Rays of daylight gave her courage. She wanted to turn around and see a stranger. Then she screamed.


	6. Chapter 6

Melia realized that she was lying next to mother. It seemed, that Caldwen herself miraculously escaped from the besieged village. Girl could not believe her luck. Did mom somehow manage to hide someone in the woods? Is possible that at the very last minute simply fled executioners and followed her to Hosts of Valinor camp? She should thank Eru for that.

Little girl was crying, but for joy and happiness, not sadness. She was crying so passionately, that failed to see astonishment present on mommy's face. Melia just happily felt into Caldwen's arms. She did not understand what happened. Mysterious voice, always present and mature, was screaming. Deeply inside Melia knew, that it was impossible enough for mom to escape. To find her in Hosts of Valinor camp by chance was a miracle. Mysterious voice of reason, a strange voice adult, commanded attention. 'She is hiding something'. However, child Melia was enjoyed happiness too much and refuse to ask. It took years to the girl began to ask questions. Maybe she decided to ask too late.

'We have lived in the nearby village for a few years' – explained Caldwen in the name of herself and Melia – ' we were happy, however recently Morgoth's henchmen attacked us. We got no valuable possessions, but mercenaries were just cruel by nature'

Caldwen wasn't lying, she just tell only some parts of a truth. Now in a modest dresses she was by no way similar to a lady figure once living in Angband. She knew, that only by total bad luck she may be recognized in new incarnation. Semblances are powerful tool to fool even wise ones. Moreover when dwelt in Angband she refused to present in public and prefer to stay in chambers. Some of Dark Lord's "chosen ones" decided to present theirs "high position" to everyone. Caldwen always preferred to stand back, as was too embarrassed by whole situation.

Woman let people to think come to own explanations. She provided them some ideas how she survived. Caldwen was experienced in tricks and evasion, thus decided that if can't tell a truth, must suggest it "I had been hit in my head and passed out. When I woke up I saw mercenaries in my house. They let their vicious lusts to control their actions. I was left broken but alive. When they finished I was thrown away like toy. But I have to live for my daughter, as my husband is deceaed "- she said best lie that come to her mind. It sounded probable, after all, what mercenaries may do to a still a young woman? She did not mind to be perceived as broken victim. There are secrets to be hidden and swore to be discreet and also truth sounded too crazy. "My name in Elvish means 'light' and at least once it is not a joke as forces of so called light are interested in me ".

She looked at sleeping daughter with love and care. She promised herself to do anything possible to help her remain innocent and happy for as long as possible. Fortunately no one has punished child for her parents sins no far. Recently Caldwen started to believe, that there is justice out there. Simultaneously she tried not to thinks _who_ she supposed to thank. She's never truly believed in elvish stories, but what just happened made her change a mind. Caldwen start to sing soft lullaby. She got impression she is dreaming a weirdest dream ever. If it wasn't for a proof she felt, she wouldn't believe how she managed to find a daughter.

' Thank Eru you survived' – said Althea, when saw a young woman.

'Thank you for taking care of my daughter' - answered Caldwen – 'I owe you a great debt. "Eru had nothing to do with my salvation." The time has come to heal the war's wounds'.

' That it true. Please feel free to come and talk to me if need help' - warrior nodded with own ideas of wounds to be healed – 'I know what you're going through'.

Caldwen only smiled in response. She felt an instinctive sympathy for her, especially since a new friend apparently liked the Melia. Both mother and daughter were really free in a dawn of a new, better day. If only dear, brave Belgor accompany them! Poor, loyal son gave his life that she could live. Parents should not live longer than their children. There are different rules in a world of men. Caldwen felt a great relief when saw daughter safe, but felt sad and guilt her son was lost. Guilt became her long-term companions soon. On the one hand, felt the joy that it can be at the Melia and help to face incoming difficulties. Why innocents had to pay a terrible price for her guilt, why her son pain by death? Since then, every moment of joy was tainted with sadness and guilt. The guilt that all survivors are carrying.

See surface was amazingly smooth, when ships of Valinor led people in their new land Delicate, western winds meant made travel as never before and never again. Caldwen spend many evenings just sitting and looking at the stars. For many people it may sound pathetic, she was happy to see shining points on the night sky."It's beautiful, it must be good" - she thought. When Melia asleep, came out to stay a moment alone.

One evening, she was sitting on one of the benches. Caldwen got problems with falling asleep and late-evening walks on a deck helped a lot. She left a cabin only when certain that her daughter is sleeping safe. Woman stayed nearby to be able to hear child's cry just in case. As Melia got no nightmares, mother decided to get some fresh air in a warm, peaceful night.

She felt a light, warm wind. Wind was nothing like the storms tormenting people in Angband, but reminded gentle touch. Caldwen got a lot of time to enjoy a night, thus failed to hear the quiet rustle, that robes of approaching figure made. In the past, Caldwen usually remained extremely vigilant, however not let senses sleep. She did not expect danger, as they were all travelling to a new, beautiful land. People got no idea how new home would look like, but hoped the best. Caldwen felt safe on a ship and expected no company, except for other nightwalker.

If she watched closely, would probably noticed mysterious figure is different from anyone in the neighbourhood. Whoever she or he was actually, wore long coat of light colour. Person was moving with amazing grace, that made elven gait awkward. Whoever decided to enjoy night walk, was not looking at the stars, but on a brown-haired woman sitting on a bench.

'You eventually decided to follow your people to Land of the West, Caldwen, daughter of Haldar. It is a wise decision'- she heard warm, a warm, melodious voice that could not belong to man.

She jumped when realized _who _is standing nearby voice. It took her one second to forget about the happy mood. The presence of such beings were far uncomfortable, even if they were not enemies of men. Caldwen just failed to relax when person powerful enough to cause shivers on a spine. ' Am I too suspicious and distrustful?'- Caldwen asked herself. Probably 'yes' was the answer, however woman need to be extremely careful and suspicious for too long to be trustful towards strangers. Additionally she hated sneaking since childhood.

' Lord, I perfectly remember agreement we made' - said Caldwen said trying to control the trembling voice. "I should start to control myself"

' There is no rationale to be afraid, didn't we explained to you last time'- answered mysterious man with smile.

'Thank you' – she answered – 'It is co complicated and strange for me! Nevertheless, I assume there is a reason for your visit' – Caldwen continued still stiff – ' I doubt if beauty is behind it'

' As you've already guessed, we have several questions. Only few of them were answered during our last, short meeting. Current situation is unique potential consequences are impossible to predict'.

'Am I accused of anything'? – she squeaked nervously

'Lady' – he interrupted with quiet voice – ' I came here to seek for answers, not to chain you. We do not throw victims to the same cell with abuse. It is not of our custom, whatever you heard about our customs. I have no doubt, that much happened against your will. Nevertheless some ties, even undesired, should be understood not ignored.

'I agree Lord, but what am I supposed to do? – she asked cautiously- 'Believe me or not, I want to know'

'Your memories are the place when answers are hidden. I know you prefer not to remember, but you need to for this exclusive moment. If talking is too painful, there are other, perhaps better, ways. My If you do not want to tell, there are other ways, perhaps even better. My kind prefer to exchange ideas by images, not limited words '- he explained.

' I don't understand'

Caldwen was too astonished to remember good manners. She gave him infinitely astonished look. In normal situation she perfectly know it is rude to look at anyone with open mounts and stupid face expression. She got no idea what is this image exchange stuff and wasn't sure if she ever wanted to find out.

'Just let me see your memories. I promise, you will feel no pain'.

'You ask me if I agree?' – she asked surprised – 'after all, you could just use the force!'-Caldwen blurted out.

'Yes and no, but there is no time for such discussions now'- he said, sitting on the bench.

'What I need to do?' – asked Caldwen, not convinced actually.

'Try to relax, it will help'- he said and grabbed her hand –' Don't be afraid we are neither in a court, not I am your judge'- he continued soothingly.

She tried to control the stiffness and fear, but it gone terribly bad. Caldwen was just terrified and able to a little with it. She expected a lot of questions to be asked, but prefer to remain silent sometimes. Too much anger and shame were buried in memories to be just shared with others . Caldwen was trying to escape from sad pictures with almost very beat of heart. Worst and most shameful moments were tormentors of sleepless nights. She almost jumped, when felt gentle touch on her cheek. If she managed to made her legs move, she would try to run away. She would scream, if only voice di not stuck in the throat. Caldwen was shaking and hoped it really would not hurt.

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><p><strong>Authors Note<strong>: Mysterious man is a canonical character from Silmarillion, not OC. I will just intoduced him later.


	7. Chapter 7

Gentle heat spread across her cheek. No pain made a part of experience, but overall impression although painless were bizarre. Mysterious force made Caldwen to remain on a seat. Woman was unable to even move or speak. She immediately squeezed hands in her last desperate attempt to gain control of fear. Heart was beating very quickly as if it was going to jumped out of chest. Caldwen has always tried to face her fears, but became helpless when situation exceeded human comprehension.

She flowed through mysterious space. Strange mist hided the world around. Memories waited on the other side. Images of past times she desperately tried to entomb, was dancing around in frantic way. Caldwen tried to touch them to made them disappear, however failed. Images moved every time, woman wanted to get rid of them. She became nothing more but observer of own life. No fear threatened heart any more. Woman felt nothing, but calm, dream-like state. Mysterious, kind and gentle, force guided through worst memories. Betrayal by Drake and his will to made her part of family "great mission". Horror and shame poor woman experiences when appeared in night gown only in front of Dark Lord and all of his disguising actions later. But there were also happiness buried there, when Melia was born. All desperate measurements to save daughter and great escape. Caldwen tried to close her eyes, but couldn't in a dream-like state. Even in a sleep some memories were too painful.

Quick and unexpected back to reality came. No dream-like state, but warm, summer gusts she felt. She was siting again on a wooden bench and felt sea water smell. But now everything changes. Caldwen trembled all over her body. If we just came out of the icy water, feeling would 'be more real. Cold resembled more spiritual than physical feeling, however tears coming down cheeks were very real. Caldwen set her teeth, angry by failure to maintain at least illusion of dignity. To start crying like a baby in front of man nearby was last of her desires. She's never allowed strangers to see her weakness. She trusted only her parents and husband (at the very early stage of marriage) enough to show a tears. Person standing nearby was one of the last beings in the whole world she would even wanted to see her weakness.

' Lord, I hope you find answers you were looking for'- she stammered

' At least partially. We have a lot of time to discuss other matters in a future'- he began, seeing how desperately she woman tried to hide a tears – 'Weakness in not a crime Caldwen' he said and gently placed hand on her shoulder.

Woman stiffed immediately when felt usual gesture of encouragement. She shivered and

The woman stiffened feeling the. She shivered as if expecting hit. Angrily and nervously she began to wipe tears. Caldwen felt that showing most shameful memories were difficult enough without being weak and pathetic.

' Thank you Lord, why are you doing it? Why you provided my daughter and me with so much grace'- she asked trying to control voice. She felt angry by failure to hide weakness.

'No one deserves to be left alone in a dark. There is no comfort out there'- he replied, ignoring Caldwen's nervous behavior – 'Child needs a mother, needs someone to help grow up and face destiny. You got enough power to awake flickers of light in a dark heart of someone seeing darkness only for a long time. You are the most suitable person to help Melia, thus let me help you. You need it even if believe you do not deserve it'

' I am not sure if I get your point, but thank you very much'- she answered, staring at deck –'Life is an everlasting mystery as I would have never guessed where kind words of comfort are hidden. It is a priceless as unexpected'

'Farewell, Caldwen'

Woman stared at the night sky in desperate trial to calm down. She forgot sleepiness and good mood, terrified by idea anyone saw her memories. It was, on some way, better thatn being questioned by a court but some of past actions should remain untold. Caldwen hated even thinking about past, but luxury of oblivion lied beyond her reach. Melia needed her love and protection. Now, finally and happy and safe alone, she cried and let tears flow smoothly on a cheeks. Tears made her only way to express shame and fear. One more time she cursed her mother-in-law and other husband's kin. All of this happened because of them. Drake used to be a loving husband and father, but said "yes", when "no" should be said. "How, for Eru's sake, am I supposed to tell Melia whole truth?". Caldwen preferred not to even think about future. Simple "Farewell, Caldwen" sounded almost like a threat.

'I don't need compassion, but to start a new life'- she thought. Caldwen wanted neither grace, not interest by such beings. She wasn't one of this terribly proud people, who refuse any help. Caldwen felt badly enough about some of past actions and wanted oblivion only.

Little Melia was sleeping peacefully, unaware of Caldwen's worries. Girl needed nothing more but mom's lullaby to felt asleep and nothing more than mom's closeness to feel happy. For unknown reasons, Melia was excited sailing West. Girl has always felt strange, yet strong, longiness for Western lands. She heard, they are going to live close to Undying Lands, which sounded like a promise.

Melia possessed either congenital or quickly acquired ability to adapt to harsh condition. Such traits enabled many to live in Angband. She decided, was sure that memories about father and Belgor needed to be stored safely as priceless jewels. But she also knew, heart should never become a prison made of sadness and sorrow. Siblings would never wish that.

' Is there any place you would like to live in particular Melia'- asked Caldwen –' Numenor is said to be huge country, so there is a lot of places to choose from, thus I need my little girl's help'

'Let's go to the very West corner'- answered Melia –' You know Althea and others already made such decisions?'

'Very well'- woman nodded, perfectly aware why daughter made such decisions =' You like Althea, don't you?'

' Yes, I love Althea and her nice siblings. We are already a friends you know? We spent hours just running and playing. Althea and her friends told me, they know you and daddy sacrificed so much in a war against Dark Lord'

' I would thank them for kind words'- said Caldwen- ' would you like to meet elves? I am very curious to hear their stories. My parents used to have a friends among them and this is why I was given a name in their language'

' It sounds great to see elves, but I also like my friends. Come on, you should meet them'- Melia insisted, pulling her mother's hand.

Older woman knew it was a bad time to insist. If she started to push Melia, several questions need to answered. Caldwen decided to direct daughter to right direction in discrete, non-violent way. She was sure, that no accidents would happen in the nearest future.

She touched the necklace hidden under her blouse. Gift was not only exotic and fancy piece of jewelry, but promise of peaceful life for nearest years for Melia. Caldwen knew such presents are expensive, however decided to pay any necessary price. It is her duty to protect daughter.

' If they are friends of yours I am more than happy so meet them'- she smiled gently in the response "She is such a happy girl now, how I am supposed to destroy it?"


End file.
